Exploring the Seasons Moment By Moment

I couldn’t sleep at all last night.  I stayed up until 1:30 and for those who know me, know that that isn’t normal.  I knew what was on my mind, but I didn’t want to deal with it.  Earlier that day, some aquaintances I know told me that they didn’t trust me.  This is work related and when I heard it straight from their mouths, I was taken aback.  When did I become someone that couldn’t be trust?  Yes, I have always done my fair share of talking behind people’s backs (but only the bad people).  Sure I’ve shared secrets with really close friends, but never necessarily betraying anyone’s trust too badly.  But I guess, when I stand back and look at it, I brought this upon myself.

It is no secret that I am a) opinionated and b) strong willed and will do as I please most of the time.  This has led to some drifts at work and really I don’t mind for the most part.  The more I interact with people, I realize not that “you are on your own” but you have those fighting and living for the force of good and those who are living for their forces.  But this is where I am having trouble justifying my actions – because from another’s point of view, I could be just as guilty about living for myself and always trying to get my way just like the others.  The difference is, I think I am right.  But am I?

And so I started looking at me from my enemies view point, and I realized something – we are not different, at all which is scaring the hell of me.  Everyone who walks this earth has an opinion about how things should be done, and even can have a say what they are and are not going to do.  Both parties see an issue, take a side, and move forward defending that viewpoint.  Each party thinks they are right, and in the balance of trying to work through the system, sometimes truth needs to be bent, rules made liquid, and ethics…ummm…I can’t bring myself to say it.

I read in Psalms where the author asks God to destroy the author’s enemies.  I gather that in different situations throughout time this has brought hope to many different people.  I mean, what could be better than the bible telling you, you are correct, and everyone else is damned for the flames of hell.  But I disagree, it didn’t bring me hope.  It didn’t bring me joy.  It brought me immense about of sadness because just as my enemies are guilty in my opinion, I am just as guilty of them.  I don’t tell my enemy what I am doing each day.  I don’t let them have a say in matters where they really should based on position and title.  I just do what I want and know that it is better than what we have, but I am stuck with – does that make it right?

Maybe your enemies are liberal.  Maybe your enemies are conservatives.  Maybe your enemies are atheist or agonstic or even Christian.  But no matter the difference, we are not each other’s enemies.  We are just as guilty of living egocentric lives as the next person.  Let us not pray for the damnation of any soul, but rather the mercy for all.  The awesome grace that God provides to God’s children no matter the generation.  Let us pray for forgiveness because we have enemies.  In my experience, it always take two to tango.

Maybe the truth is – our neighbor isn’t the enemy.  The enemy is rather ourselves.