Exploring the Seasons Moment By Moment

Well, looking at the blog stats that are available to me, I realize that my hopes that dozens of people are flocking to hear my words is well, not happening.  I am somewhat disappointed; however, a part of me enjoys the fact that this time in my life is shared with the few who do read this thing.  I appreciate you spending time to read what I have to say. I have a friend who mentors, and I try to read old posts that he wrote before I met him.  Maybe one day someone will come back and research these beginning posts as I grow into whoever I am growing into…  However, as it may be clear, the time periods that I don’t blog – as it has been awhile, means that life has had a few struggles for me.  Slowly I am coming around to yet another part of this mountain we call life. 

I am reading another book that has me thinking.  Last time I blogged about a book it was a metaphor about our journey with Christ.  This book that I am reading now is about spending time with God.  A quote particularly stood out to me as I was reading.   Actually, I should slow down (I read about 50 pages at a time trying to get through it) and really blog about each thing I am learning.  Maybe one day I will pick up journaling and blogging more that I will record my thoughts.

The quote that stood out was “This isn’t a test, it is a conversation.”  This is something that I have had to learn rather quickly in life recently.  I have a friend that I look up to, and I want to perfect for them.  However, no one can stand up to perfection, and the constant effort of trying to do so is a killer.  In our conversations, I try to always have the perfect words or phrases to reply back with, but at some point, there is no “perfect reply”; there is only a reply. 

So often times because we are taught in the public school system that we need to have the right answer to be rewarded, we forget that it is okay to be wrong.  It is okay to not have all of the answers, because quite frankly, no one does.  If we are in true relationship with each other, it shouldn’t matter.  There should be room to breathe.  I am blessed with others who aren’t testing me, but rather just having a conversation with me.  I need to remember that grace and love when I talk to others.

Sometimes I wonder if I really matter to anyone.  I know some may think it is silly, but it is true.  Do I really make an impact on anyone?  When I die, will anyone truly miss me or will people just move on and say “that’s sad”?  I don’t know the answer to that question, I don’t think anyone really does; only time will tell, but I will tell you this – I think I matter to the people I care about most.

My students sometimes ask me if I care about what they think of me.  I tell them no.  I have a few number of people, five or so that I really care about and what they think of me means everything to me.  If they say get over it, I know it is truth.  These people I trust with my life.  We all have these individuals in our lives (I hope), but mine are the best.   Well, right now during a difficult time in life, in the last week two of these individuals, without knowing how much impact it would have, did small gestures that have meant the world to me.  They really don’t have a clue probably, and that is what makes it even sweeter.  Two people in their own way aknowledged me in their lives and out of the thousands of people they may know, for some reason they remembered me and it was nice.  It was needed. 

We all matter to someone.  We all are cared for.  We just have to seek those persons out, looking past what is easy to see and search for the Truth.  Thanks for reading this, no matter who you are.  It matters to me that my words I write are read.  And may someone today make you feel like you are important, needed, and loved.