Exploring the Seasons Moment By Moment

There is a reason that God gives second chances – because very few of us can make it on the first try.  All day today, I have been emailing a friend trying to convey where I am in life, and to my exhastive spirit, finally found the answer he was wanting to hear.  In the last email, he says, “And it took you a while, but you finally answered it…”  Thank God for allowing me to take a while. 

Now it may surprise you, but the fact that it took me a while to discover the truth of where I am doesn’t surprise me.  In fact, I am quite proud of myself that I was able to do it in a day’s time.  I didn’t lie to him or modify the truth…it just took me a few times to express myself on how I see my life.  I think that each of us needs those extra tries to clearly find an answer that we are looking for.  I have a strong feeling that God really does give us just the perfect amount of time in our lives to do everything we are meant to do.  It isn’t easy.  It almost ruin my entire day, but in the end, it made me stronger in where I am standing.  I learned a couple of lessons within a span of a few hours.  It may take us a while to finally “get it”, but when we do, we know that we have taken a few steps forward in life.

May God bless you today in all of your struggles.  May you wrestle with thoughts and questions, but let them not tackle you into the ground.  It isn’t easy, it isn’t suppose to be.  In fact, if it was, I don’t think we would learn as much as we do.  May you know that no matter what you are going through, it is only today’s issues, and not tomorrow’s.  May you realize that it is perfectly okay that it takes you little a while…

The road map to life is very unclear.  It is nice to have freedom, but at the same time, I wouldn’t be too upset if the clouds opened up and a booming voice yelled down “Hey You!! Go Here! Do This!! It will be for the best!”  I wouldn’t be upset if I had in mind a general direction in which to point my life.  Now, while you may be thinking that I am taking it to the extreme – that I really do have some direction in life (and I do) and I shouldn’t be moaning and groaning about it, there are still a great number of unknowns for my life.  I wonder if we will ever really know where we are going.

A new mentor in life challenged me on the direction in which I am heading.  Simply stated, I am unsure that the final destination of the path I am on is where I really what end up – like many other twenty year olds.  However, I emailed a (hopefully) conviencing email that while I don’t know for sure if that is where I really want to be for the rest of my life, I feel like I am doing the best I can.

How many times do we feel this way?  Someone, innocently (he wasn’t attacking in any way), asks us…”What are you doing?”, and we respond with a simple yet loud, “THE BEST I CAN!!!”   And then the person, regretting ever asking such a question, leaves us alone.  I remember my days working at the courthouse, for the Circuit Clerk’s office of a particular county, where the stress would mount and my little heart couldn’t handle the 50 hour weeks of work.  There were times that I just sat my desk and tried to do it all, but knowing tomorrow the piles would just stack right back up.  It was at those times, my employer, would come and lay a hand on my shoulder and say, “We are lucky to have you.  You are doing a great job!”

I think there are days we need someone to come and lay their hands on our shoulders and say, “You are doing a great job! We are blessed to have you.”  I would invite you to close your eyes.  Well, don’t do it yet or you won’t read on and know what to do.  I invited you after reading this to close your eyes and imagine yourself at your place of employment – where that may be.  Imagine the stress mounting, the pressure building, the frustations overflowing.  Now imagine Christ coming and laying His hands on your shoulder and simply say, “You are doing so great! I am so proud of you! I am blessed to know you!”

May today bring you peace and calmness.  May you feel ease in your job and in your personal life.  May God give you comfort in where you are in life…no matter where that is.  May you always know that as long as you are looking up towards God, you are always heading in the right direction.  May God bless you as you live the best you can…

Fear.  It is an interesting feeling.  It is powerful and controlling.  It take away all joy, all peace if you let it.  The only emotion I think more powerful is shame (but that is a different post for later). 

I went to class Monday afternoon and fear was used against me.  Fear of student teaching, fear of all the work that lays ahead.  While I knew what was being done, I feel into its pit of despair.  I wanted to quit, to give up and go home.  I would never complete my degree and I would never succeed in my dreams.  My only hope was to somehow manage to find comfort in those words…”Would you like fries with that?”  I knew I couldn’t handle it all – friends, family, work, and plus school.  It was too much. 

It took a couple of days to get over the fear that was instilled in me.  Partly because I started fighting it.  I am not one to dwell in my fears of life.  God didn’t make us to hide in the corner of the room, but rather to be the center of attention, dancing our way through life.  Surely and very slowly, I remembered the promise – the promise that God would never leave me or knock me down.  The Lord is for me.  Think about that…

Often times we have this thought that God is up there just ready to strike us down.  That is not the truth.  The truth is that God is here in our lives ready to lift us up.  God is for you…

May you overcome the fears in your life.  I hope that you will find peace in their gaps and lies.  They are not to rule you or lord over you, but rather, they are the things that we overcome to make us stronger.  May God lift you up upon this day.     

I have not written in a couple of days.  This is not intentional.  In fact, I have thought a lot about what to write about, what to say, but my heart has been overwhelmed over the last week.  Monday was the start of classes for me, and with it, came a busy schedule.  It takes a lot of me to write on here, maybe too much so, but I feel it does my soul good. 

Monday night I was in a book study talking about hospitality.  In the meeting, my generation was attacked and it was said, that if “the younger generation” couldn’t accept certain things, then they can go somewhere else.  It was ironical that we were talking about being welcoming to all.  In a conversation that was supposed to be about having open arms, we ended up with pushy hands. 

How many times do we have one intention yet another happens?  No one intended to sound narrow minded or wanted to put anyone off, but that is what happened.  At the thought of new people, we want only those we could place in a box…no one else…no exceptions.  How many times do we say an innocent comment that leads to sleepless night for someone else?  I do not think we ever see the full effects of our actions.

I pray that you think before speaking; that you walk slowly and intentionally.   May God bless your actions for good, and not for bad.  May the little things we do become big actions to someone else – a smile, a hand shake, even a hug.  May you pass on the love that has been given to you on this day. 

It is Thursday.  I am still writing and thinking about Monday events.  It has been a week…

I will be student teaching this semester.  I am eager to get in the groove of things so that I am comfortable with it all.  Really, I am eager just to be finished.  If someone came down from heaven and said that I didn’t have to go through this semester and some clone will live your life for you, the number of feet I would jump in the air out of joy would take me up to God.  But that dream ain’t ever goin’a happen. 

As I attended my first University class and got direction on what all will happen this semester, I was scared.  The professor purposely tried to scare each of us.  Now while I have my own thoughts on why he did this, he claims it is so that we take student teaching seriously.  That isn’t a problem folks whenever you first step in front of 30 kids and are expected to teach, but I digress…

How many times do we get scared?  How many people in our lives play off of that fear?  The professor knew exactly what he was doing and as I went to bed that night, I shrugged it off because I knew it didn’t matter.  God has brought me thus far, and if it is to end, then so be it. 

I am reading a book right now with a friend. It is one huge metaphor about our relationship with Christ.  It starts with a lame person trying to reach the top of the mountain, and her companions are named Suffering and Pain (her name is Much-Afraid).  Much-Afraid starts to weep because she is scared to travel with these two individuals.  She wants to travel with Peace and Joy, but the good sheperd (Christ) says, “Did I not tell you that I will choose the very best for you?  To Love is to have Joy and Peace, but with Love comes Suffering and Pain.  It isn’t easy.  But trust me, these things are good for you.”  Now I haven’t finished the book yet, not even halfway; however, I think we do hope that God gives us the easiest route to Him.  There is no such thing.  We get scared.  We have fears.  But we must release them if we are to follow Christ as we want.

The professor made me angry because he used my emotions against me.  He tried to play me into fearing something that I fear enough already.  I officially release all fear unto God and what will be…will be.  I will try my hardest.  I will give it my all.  After that, I am finished.

May God release you of your fears today.  May you never use fear to pry on another to get what you want.  May you always know that God wants the very best for you and that He always has you in the palm of His hand.  May you walk with Suffering and Pain with a glad heart…

Monday the campus minister and I went to visit some members from the church simply to say hello.  The first person was a quick hello, how are you, how did you enjoy the holiday season.  The second invited us into their office for a longer visit.  We ended up talking mainly about church, the history, the future, ideas and concepts.  This member was beaming as they walked us out and then ran into some individuals who they knew and said with great joy that these are people from my church.  As we walked away, I was feeling pretty good.  The member was happy that we came to visit.  I was happy to get to know them better.  But my campus minister was disappointed that the only thing we talked about was “church”.  ”I don’t know anything about her life. I don’t know how her soul is doing,” he commented as we walked back into our normal lives.  This got me thinking not only if I dwell on the institution of church too much, but if we all do.

I don’t think there was no right or wrong – just two different ways of approach.  I greatly enjoyed the visit and learned a lot about how this member feels about church.  I feel that if there was something that she wanted to share, she would have.  They were smiling when we came, and they were smiling when we left.  I don’t think our visit was “less than” because of our topic.  However, I do agree that I really don’t know anything more about their personal life.  I don’t know what they are struggling with or whether or not they need something in particular.  All I know is that they seem happy.

Two different approaches, two different hearts.  I ended the day by rejoicing for all of the differences God has made.  If the hearts like the campus minister weren’t around, I probably would never ask, “how is it with your soul”, and if I weren’t around, he probably wouldn’t ask, “how is church going for you?”  There is a careful balance we need to keep between the two, but we must remember that we are all together in life – each of us with our unique gifts and talents. 

The campus minister did remain we must not think solely on the institution of “church” and the functioning of it, but remember the soul that lies in its care.  Do you know how one gets rough hands?  Through labor of work with material – wood, metal, and other rough items that toughen the skin.  But those with soft hands…our labor of work is with hearts.  We hold the hearts of men and women which require much cushion and ease.  What kind of hands do you have?

I pray that you don’t look at an individual and count them as an object, but as a person.  I pray that you accept the diversity of the world and love all of our neighbors.  While it is easy to become distracted by “church” and the “how-tos” of it, I pray that we focus on the souls that enter into the doors of our hearts.  May you ask someone today, “how is it with your soul?”….

If you notice the time in which I posted the last message, you will discover that it was only minutes ago.  I like to write in segments and so, if you can only read a little at a time, this will allow you to come back at a later time.  I do not know how many posts in total I will do, but as I said earlier, a lot has happened over the past two days.

RBGN – Letters that may not mean anything to you.  In fact they may not mean anything to my youth either, but it was there lesson for youth group.  I had them all confused.  By the end of last semester, youth group had become my avenue where my sermons could be heard.  By the end of last semester, I had talked my way into the hearts of my youth and all the way out of their ears.  They were tired of “being lectured”.  So as the new year came, I wanted to mix it up a bit.  I wanted to think outside of the box. 

The lesson was about knowing God verses just knowing about God.  (and there is a difference).  So many times our young folks just know about God, but don’t struggle with getting to Him.  So, in effort to prove my point, and my secret agenda to clean the youth room, I made my youth help me clean the room while I asked some questions.  Just whenever they thought I had a point, I would distract them with something I was cleaning and we would get off topic.  This was to show them that often times we come with one agenda (they came for youth group – to learn about God), and experience something totally different (cleaning and getting distracted from what we were talking about). 

We discussed RBGN - the dangers of being a Christian – being religious, being a brainaic (knowing all of the “right” answers in faith), being a goodie-too-shoes, and being name callers (calling ourself Christian) – each a danger if there is no substance behind them.  If we only want to appear religious we pray in public; if we only want to impress others we memorize the bible stories, if we only want to be right, we live “good”, if we only want the title we place Christian next to our name.  While all of it is nice and dandy, we must have something more to truly know God.  We must have an active relationship with Christ.

Now if my youth got anything from it, I do not know.  But let the record stand – I did not lecture them.  I cleaned with them.

May you not get distracted from your journey with God.  May you never know separation from the Lord.  May He reveal His true self to you.  May never fall into the trap of RBGN…

A lot has happened over the last two days.  So much so that my mind is about explode with all of the lessons learned and the experiences gain.  You would think that I went somewhere special or did something totally adventurous, but the calm truth is that I just lived my life.  Things seem to happen all around around – and sometimes I even pay attention.

I was supposed to take Sunday off.  I worked 7 days last week and the number one rule to avoid burn out (something that is a very real possibility for me) is to take time off and get away from it.  I depended on my day off on if a friend would return to our community.  He did not and so I found myself alone and awake Sunday morning – where else to go, but to work!  I went enjoying the fact that everything was laid out already and I wouldn’t have to do much.  In fact, when one of my Sunday School teachers saw me, she said with confusion “Am I looking at a ghost?”  I smirked and said, no, I just have no life. 

Service came and we were going to do Communion.  Normally this is a time of great anxienty for me because of my limited experience with it.  I try to follow my senior pastors examples and try to “keep up”.  Not Sunday.  It was different Sunday.  Maybe Minister’s School had something to do with it.  (If I have not written about it, it was last week).  I met a bunch of clergy who didn’t look at me and question my call.  They didn’t give me a look of “who are you to be my pastor”?  Instead they welcomed me in their group and, even with no experience, sought my thoughts and opinions as a person.  They treated me like I was loved.  They treated me like I had “made it”.  And so, keeping with the Spirit, I was empowered and felt comfortable serving communion along side my peers (senior pastors).  For the first time I didn’t feel like the little kid pretending to be…I was a young adult, kneeling before the table of Christ, validated by my humanity; by my blood and bones.

May God bless you today with self-confidence.  May the Lord reveal to your heart that you matter.  May you experience the love and grace of the Creator.  May He bless your blood and bones… 

It is not easy for me to open up to others.  In fact, there are only a select few that I ever have let in…truly in…without any walls or barriers.  If they ask a question, I will not jump around or try to tell them what they want to hear.  I give them the truth.  Not to say that I am fake with everyone, but I am guarded against all.  It wasn’t until I came to college that I learned what true friendship and love was.  It wasn’t until college when I discovered that I would be accepted with all of my faults. 

The select few can make my day easily.  Just hearing or seeing them makes me feel loved.  There is something about these individuals that give me assurance that everything is going to be okay.  There is something about these individuals that eases my soul and I know that I am loved – (feeling truly loved is a struggle of mine).  I don’t have to act and I can be myself – the good and the ugly. These people are my family.  On holidays and times apart, these are the people I think about and pray for.  These are the people that I hold dearer than any item and even some blood relatives.  These are the people who I would die for.

Today one of those persons came back from Christmas break.  His presence eased my soul and told me that I am accepted.  He read my mind as I could his and we gave ourselves assurance.  It was a good feeling.

May God bless you with someone you can be real with.  May God give you assurance that you are loved by the Lord and people with all of your faults and failures.  May each of you find a brother for yourself…

Is it a bad thing that I normally think of sermon ideas while cleaning my apartment?  Last week I was able to clean the entire place exculding the bathroom, and this afternoon provided me the time to do so.  During this process, I was on my hands and knees scrubbing my bathtub clean, and wiping off my toilet of…whatever toilets collect.  It is ironic that even in the bathroom, life gets messy.

I was surprised just how dirty the shower was.  The key components are mainly shampoos and soap – things that are used to clean the body, but apparently, to my discovery, leave their mark on the tub.  It seems like the dirt (I am sure that my mother would know the more appropriate term for what I scrubbed away) just has to form.  Nothing can prevent it when the daily showers take place, but it is important to take time to wash it all down the drain or you may find yourself bathing in a rather awful place.

Life seems to be that way.  In our daily work and relationships it seems the “dirt” just forms.  There is no way to prevent it.  Sure, there are steps that we try – avoiding that person, ignoring those taks that we don’t want to do, not talking about the deep family secrets that tear us up inside.  Yet, during the week, each of us are covered in the filth of life.  The stress, gossip, lies, despair, and all other elements that just seem to stick to come our way.  How is it that we can be on track for one second, and then the very next, find us somewhere totally different?

 Maybe that is one reason God created the Sabbath.  A day that you can take a shower (or bath) and peel out of all of that yuck.  However, instead of simply scrubbing away and admiring the new old surface that once was, maybe there is to taking the time to see just what you are peeling off.  Lessons to be learned, wisdom to be gained, paths that won’t need to be traveled twice.

May tomorrow offer you a day for showering.  May God rinse you clean of all the dirt of life.  May you learn from this past week the easy lessons, and especially the hard.  And maybe…just maybe…next week, you won’t find yourself cleaning off as much dirt on that toilet.